Fic: And Baby Makes Three (Part 2/2)
Nov. 11th, 2014 05:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
majestic_duxkpart 1
Time goes fast, Dean mused as he woke in his little apartment. Bringing his hand to his face, he quickly scrubbed away the tear tracks that seemed to appear there daily. Taking a deep breath he looked around, basking in the comfort his little home brought. It was cosy, although the bed was big enough for three. He’d even made efforts to decorate with a few posters on the wall. And a bookshelf full of books. Dean even owned a food processor and roasting pan for fuck’s sake.
Fuck! Dean realised with a jolt. He was nesting. He was fucking nesting, creating the home he’d never had. That he wanted peanut to have. He knew it was normal, but still felt the flush of embarrassment. Throwing back the blankets, he headed to the shower, needing to clear his head and give himself the daily pep talk.
It’s ok to miss Sam, he told himself as the hot water hit his body.
It’s ok to accept help from Benny and Cas. They were friends as well as his bosses.
It’s ok to nest. Soon he was going to be a daddy, and he wanted his kid to have a happy home. And a happy kid needed a happy parent. Dean had learnt that lesson well.
It’s ok to be happy. It’s ok to be happy. It bore repeating.
Groaning, he rested his head against the wall, just standing under the water stream. The problem was, he wasn’t happy. He missed Sam. He still missed Sam! Every day and every night. Why couldn’t he just… file it all into the Do Not Open box in his brain? His dad was pretty firmly stuffed in there. Sam should be too! It wasn’t fair.
Briefly Dean toyed with the idea of calling Bobby, to find out if his family was ok. But if anyone was actually looking for him, Bobby would be the first port of call. Unsure what to do, Dean decided to stuff the thoughts back in the Do Not Open box. A few days weren’t going to make a difference.
Turning off the water he gave a decisive nod. No point wallowing in the past.
As he reached for his towel, he caught sight of his reflection. Ah… another thing to add to the morning list. It’s ok for his body to change.
Turning on the side, he had a soft little belly now. Just pudge really. He didn’t look pregnant. He just looked a little… softer. Laughing wryly, he remembered his panicked rush to the doctors, only to be assured that male carriers rarely showed until the last month of pregnancy. And even then it wasn’t big. Which definitely wasn’t what he remembered Pamela saying…
Still. Time passed too quickly. Only six weeks now, and Dean still hadn’t told Benny or Cas. He’d need time off at least…
But he’d think about that later. Because right now? Right now things were ok. As long as he ignored the Sam factor (and if at night he dreamt of he and Sam, living here, working, raising their child, well, it was easy enough to wipe the tears away in the morning and forget it had ever happened). Even missing Sam, Dean felt settled for the first time he could remember. He had, thanks to Benny, an actual home. Something he’d never let himself dream of. Hell, he even had friends, even though he worked with them.
“Enough thinking, Winchester,” he told his reflection. “You have wages to earn. And maybe a nursery to start painting…”
--
He could do what he wanted with the apartment. Benny was his landlord, and had given him free reign. Even with that permission, he hadn’t done much baby wise. He didn’t know what to do, so he didn’t talk about it. And now so long had passed, he didn’t know how to bring it up now. Not even to Benny, someone Dean now considered a friend.
After the initial hesitancy regarding Benny’s intentions, Dean found himself liking the man. Considered him a friend, and a good friend. Even if the friendship was… complicated. At least on Dean’s side. Benny was a recent divorcee, who never saw his kids. His former husband, Andrew, sounded like a vindictive bastard. But hearing about how his partner left, how Benny missed his kids… it made Dean question himself. It made him think of Sam, and worry about his choice. Was Dean being vindictive by not allowing Sam to know? But Sam… Sam didn’t want kids. And Sam wanted a normal life.
Dean had mostly managed to convince himself he was doing the right thing. But it was a daily battle. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want Sam around. That’s what all those dreams were about! A family. His family. Dean’s hand tightened over his belly. Well, he still had family. Just not the expected one.
And Benny was talkative. Very talkative. While Dean said as little about himself as possible, he couldn’t say nothing. So he stuck to the basics, saying only that his partner walked out on him, and while it wasn’t the whole truth, it was true enough. Both being dumped gave them something to bond over. Unfortunately, Benny saw Dean as a brother in arms, and became much more forthcoming about his relationship with Andrew. Dean knew it was partly because Benny wanted Dean to open up (and no fucking way was that happening), but it was mainly because Benny still hurt so much. Rather than let the anger and sadness and fear fester, he ripped the scab off every day. Something Dean could learn from. Maybe.
So Dean listened, and soothed, and avoided answering pretty much everything. And made himself a friend.
--
Dean’d been staring into space for 10 minutes now, rubbing the same spot on the counter. It’s not that they’re busy – they’re not. But this was becoming a more and more common occurrence. Benny had first noticed it when he talked about Andrew. He’d then ask about Dean’s partner, and Dean would… zone out. There’d be a look of longing on his face. Despite Dean’s assurances that his partner was well out of the picture, Benny wasn’t so sure.
And Dean’s pregnant. He hasn’t said anything, and even if the rest of the world was blind, Benny was not. Benny had been subtly trying to find out what was going on. Because male carriers looked no different. Until they’re pregnant. Then they may as well wear the red ‘P’.
Benny didn’t want to force information from Dean, but he wanted to reassure him he wasn’t alone. So Benny talked around the subject as much as he could. He looked after Dean as much as a friend could – set him up with the apartment (well, it had been sitting empty. And if he chose to rent it for a little less than it was worth, well, who was going to argue with the landlord?) He’d even organised for Dean to work at Castiel’s bookshop in the afternoons.
That had been a stroke of pure genius. And luck, he admitted grudgingly. Castiel needed the help, Dean needed the money, and… ok, Benny was projecting. Andrew hadn’t taken well to pregnancy, he’d been tired and angry, and needed help. But the moment he’d laid eyes on Dean he’d seen the same look.
Of course, Dean was very different to Andrew. Dean worked hard, and he had an unwavering need to prove himself worthwhile. Benny idly wondered where that need came from, because it wasn’t healthy. It was almost pathological. And Dean was incapable of staying still. It was like he was missing something.
Or someone.
Benny didn’t want to get in Dean’s business. He really didn’t. That never led to good things. But he was worried. And the way Dean spoke about his partner – former partner – lead Benny to believe it wasn’t as cut and dried as he and Andrew.
So Benny watched and worried and waited.
--
Dean called goodbye and grabbed the pastry box on his way out. He was glad to be leaving. It’d been a bad day. Not bad bad, after all, no one had tried to murder or maim him. But he’d just felt off. He knew he wasn’t doing his work, and although Benny had offered to let him go home early, Dean didn’t feel like being alone. So as soon as he was done he was out the door, and on to the next job.
Castiel was an easy going boss. Weird. Very weird. But interesting. The books that Cas stocked the shelves with? Well, they just brought Dean joy. He loved opening the boxes, seeing what delights awaited the reading population of Lindstone. And when he wasn’t stacking shelves, or helping customers, or manning the till, he was curled up reading in one of the big chairs placed randomly around the shop. As long as he jumped up when the bell over the door rang, Castiel was actually cool with him reading.
When he’d questioned Castiel on it, his response was weird. As usual.
“You’re like a cat. People like cats. Did you know there are bookstores which keep real cats? It is soothing to the customers.”
--
That afternoon Dean was more like a monkey. Scaling the ladder, he had a box of books precariously balanced. Less precariously than himself as it happens. Somehow he… fell? Honestly, he doesn’t even remember what happened. One moment his at the top of a ladder, the next thing he knows he’s on the floor with big strong arms wrapped around him, and someone sounding worried talking in his ear. Worried about him?
“Sam?”
The shadowy figure kept talking.
“Cher! Are you ok?”
Dean blinked until the shadowy form coalesced into something more solid. It wasn’t Sam, it was Benny.
It wasn’t Sam.
Dean blinked again, this time clearing the tears from his eyes. Sam… he missed Sam so much. Benny’s hand still stroking soothingly through his hair just made it worse.
“You’re ok, cher? Can you talk to me? Are you ok?”
Of course he was ok. He was Dean Winchester. He pushed himself into a half sitting position, Benny’s arms fluttering around him. He pushed them away.
“I’m fine, Benny. Don’t need to act like a mother hen.”
Lips pursed, Benny observed him closely, before turning to Castiel, who was also there. So everyone who employed him had witnessed his humiliating fall? Just great.
Avoiding all eye contact, Dean slowly pushed himself to his feet, hands instinctively cradling his belly. He staggered off towards to the storeroom, intent on just getting away from everyone, when Benny’s hand came down on his shoulder.
“Where are you going, cher?”
Dean shook the hand off. “Just out back got things to do.”
Benny and Castiel exchanged looks.
“Dean, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” As Dean went to interrupt, Castiel continued over him. “At least sit down and make sure you’re ok. Not dizzy.”
It wasn’t like he could argue with that. Dean resentfully went and sat in one of the reading chairs. Actually, now that he thought about it, he was remarkably pain free for a fall… Oh no.
“Oh yes.” Damn, Dean must have spoken aloud. “It was just good timing, Dean,” Benny told him softly. “You were slumping as I came in. I didn’t think I’d get to you in time…”
There’s a thoughtful pause. Benny knows he shouldn’t do this. He also knows that he almost had a heart attack. Nodding determinedly, he turns to Castiel.
“So no more letting the pregnant man up the ladder anymore.”
“What!” The two speak in tandem, Castiel mild and surprised, Dean shocked and angry.
“Oh, cher.” Benny looks at Dean sadly. “I have two kids. That’s watching Andrew through two pregnancies. I know the signs.”
Dean shifted under the kind expression, only to find himself pinned by Castiel’s intense eyes.
“Uh… Cas?”
Castiel blinked. “I’m sorry, Dean. My partner is also pregnant, but I hadn’t noticed anything different… I didn’t notice,” he offered apologetically.
Dean’s had enough. “What, you just thought I was fat?”
Unintentionally Castiel’s eyes are drawn to Dean’s soft belly.
“I hadn’t really thought about it…”
“Well think about it now,” Benny commanded. “He can’t be climbing ladders anymore.”
“Now wait a goddamn minu…”
“It’s ok, Dean. That isn’t really why I hired you. It was an added bonus. As is your easy manner with customers and love of books.”
Well if those were the added bonuses…
Castiel answered Dean’s unspoken question. “You bring the pastries from the café.”
Dean was flabbergasted. “You hired me to bring the pastries? Cas, it would be cheaper to get them couriered!”
--
Benny sat at his desk. He had a name now. Dean’s response when waking had been to call for this man – Sam. The zoning out was one thing. Benny had been worried, but let it go, just keeping a closer eye on him. Dean wouldn’t accept help easily, but the passing out on top of the ladder…? Benny felt like had to do something.
A little bit of soul searching (but not too much. Benny’d been thinking of it for a while), and Benny decided Dean needs more active help. Benny doesn’t want to become romantically entangled with Dean (although he’s not blind. Dean was a fine looking man), he just wanted to help his friend.
He knew it might be the end of their friendship, but he had to do it. If their situations were reversed, if Andrew wanted him… well, he’d be grateful and back in a heartbeat. And based on his intuition, things weren’t over with Sam. Going over the few things Dean had let slip, Benny started looking.
--
It was easier than he thought. Without knowing Sam’s last name, Benny went for Winchester. Reasoning that there wouldn’t be too many Sam Winchesters at Stanford Law School. Benny was right. A few favours called in, and he had a number in front of him.
Huffing to himself, Benny resolutely picked up the phone. Well, no time like the present.
--
“Hello, this is Benny Lafitte. Am I speaking with Sam Winchester? I’m calling about your ex-partner. Who?” Benny’s eyes narrowed, and he struggled to contain his rising anger. “Dean. Dean Winchester.
--
Sam couldn’t breathe.
Since seeing his dad, he’d put out feelers, calling in all the favours he could. And no one - no one - had heard from Dean. And now this? To have some stranger call up to ask about Dean? While all he wanted to do is beg for information, he couldn’t. Not yet. It could be a trap.
“And this is your business, how?”
Sam could feel the anger crackling down the line.
“Dean was recently injured…”
Sam’s mind raced. Was he still hunting? If he was, how had no one heard of him? Was this his new partner?
“Benny Lafitte, you said. How exactly do you know Dean?”
--
Benny simmered. Fair enough, this Sam didn’t know him, but he didn’t seem overly concerned about Dean either.
“I’m Dean’s boss. I was calling to tell you Dean was hurt – not badly – at his other job today. Happily he and the baby are fine, but I shouldn’t have called you. Don’t worry Mr Winchester, it won’t happen again. “
Fucking condescending ass. Sam was so enraged by hearing this other man even say Dean’s name he didn’t hear it all.
“Now wait a minute, what are you doing with Dean anyway? And what gives you the right to judge me? You have no idea what went on…”
“What I know,” Benny raised his voice, drowning out Sam, “is that I sure as hell wouldn’t run out on my pregnant partner, and I don’t know why I thought ringing you would make a difference.”
Benny paused, waiting for a response. There was only silence.
--
Pregnant? Dean was pregnant? Little things started to make sense. Dean being a little more clingy before he left, and he’d actually seen tears in Dean’s eyes the night he’d left for Stanford. Sam had just put that down to Dean’s weird sixth sense where Sam was concerned. And then there was the way he’d totally rejected him. Why? Why had he done that? Why had… Oh fuck. Sam was cursed (or blessed depending on how you looked it) with virtually perfect recall. He rarely forgot anything. He certainly hasn’t forgotten informing their dad how fucked he and Dean were as parents.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Dean, his beautiful, self-sacrificing, stubborn idiot of a brother wouldn’t have seen it was just anger. He would have taken it to heart, deciding for Sam that Sam didn’t want kids, so he’d taken the option away.
He’d given Sam his chance at a normal life.
“Stubborn fucking idiot!” Sam had forgotten Benny was on the phone. He was quickly reminded as he heard the slight growl on the other end.
“Ah.” There was a long pause. “You didn’t know.”
Benny didn’t know what to do. Dean hadn’t said anything, which meant what exactly?
“Where exactly are you,” Sam barked into the phone.
--
It wasn’t easy getting the information out of Benny. Although he’d refused to give out Dean’s home address (and ok, Sam could respect that, even as he wanted to tear the other man limb from limb for knowing things about Dean that he didn’t), he’d gotten a town name and the address of Benny’s restaurant. It was a start.
Returning to his room, Sam had only one goal: retrieve his wayward brother. All thoughts of Stanford were gone.
Bag packed in less than 20 minutes, Sam looked around the room. Clothes, law books, student posters… the trappings of college life. There was nothing here he wanted. His heart was already in Lindstone, three days drive away. It’s going to take him three days to get Dean. Sam doesn’t know if he wants to fuck him or strangle him. At least he’ll have time to thank about it.
Jess, however had a different idea. She also had a weird sixth sense when it came to Sam. As he exited his building, there she was. Arms folded, leaning against her car, staring as he walked out the door.
“Not even a good bye.”
It’s statement more than question. Hefting his bag, Sam sighed. “Look, you always knew I was all about Dean. Now I know where he is, and I need to go to him.”
Laughing bitterly, Jess sneered at him. “Well, Sam. He may be the love of your life, but are you his? After all, he didn’t come see you, who’s to say he hasn’t found someone else?”
Sam willed himself to not touch her. Even one tiny movement in her direction, and he didn’t know if he could stop himself from harming her. He was too angry, on edge already. Taking a deep breath, he forced his muscles to relax.
“I don’t know what this is about, Jess. We always agreed we were just covering for each other, and as soon as I had Dean we’d break up. So I don’t know what the whole mistreated girlfriend thing is about.”
Jess just glared at him. To reveal now she never had another person, and had been playing Sam, hoping to win him over… well, that wasn’t going to win points. She’d hoped that when the time came and went and she was still there and Dean wasn’t…
Whatever. Hopeless case. She should have known.
“Whatever, Sam. Good luck with Dean.”
Sam didn’t even deign to answer. And like that, she was out of his life and mind.
--
At eight months, Dean could really feel it. Peanut was a mini-sasquatch, so Dean showed a lot more than expected. And Peanut was damn active too, with all the kicking. All the fucking kicking. Honestly? He didn’t remember it hurting this much when a were had clawed his stomach.
“Take after you papa don’t you, the two of you always causing me pain,” Dean fondly told his bump.
But the worst thing wasn’t the internal bruising. The worst thing was the complete and utter bone-deep exhaustion. Since he’d fallen from the ladder, Dean hadn’t slept well. At all really, and every day was a struggle. He knew he was making mistakes at work, although he covered them as best he could. Benny and Cas hadn’t said anything, but he could feel their concern. That morning Benny had ordered him to a table, setting him down with salad and tea. Salad! Dean had argued at first, wanted to be up and working. But Benny was adamant, and Dean sensible enough to realise he was a kitchen accident waiting to happen. Benny then cruelly ignoring his pleas for proper food or coffee… Ah, coffee. Coffee could have woken him up. Someone needed to do some research to show pregnant people could drink the fucking stuff. Lifeblood…
Heaving himself off his chair, Dean called a cheery goodbye to Benny.
“Cher?”
“Huh? Yeah, Benny?”
“Wanna take the pastries with you?”
Dean felt his face blush bright red. Some mistakes were harder than others to cover. Instead of blustering though, he just thanked Benny, before heading off to the bookshop.
Benny watched him leave, a concerned look on his face. Ah well, Castiel would look out for him. Although… Benny glanced around the room. Maybe he would just clear the tables and then head off to check on him.
The bell above the door jangled.
“I’ll be with you in a moment. Take a seat and I’ll get you a menu.”
The response was terse. “I don’t want a menu. I want Dean.”
Benny took a deep breath and centred himself. He couldn’t start a fight without knowing what he was getting into. A second breath, and he turned to greet the… giant of a man. Tall and very well-muscled. Benny was not small. He generally felt that could handle himself. But this guy? Benny wouldn’t like to meet him in a dark alley.
Plastering a smile on his face, Benny greeted him. “And you must be Sam.”
--
There was only one more box that needed unpacking.
And it was sitting there taunting him. And while Castiel hadn’t said don’t stack the shelves, it was understood that Dean just wouldn’t. But one box… One box wouldn’t hurt. And then he could feel like he achieved something for the day. A quick, shifty eyed look around, and Dean was up the ladder. It was slower than last time (had he really lost all of his fitness?) and it seemed higher than last time too. Dean blinked as the books in front of him slowly faded in and out.
It hadn’t been his brightest idea. The books even agreed, calling to him as he fell. Again.
--
“Dean! Dean? Are you ok? Talk to me?”
Once again there were strong arms around him. He was comfortable. Warm. He didn’t hurt. His hands immediately crept to his belly, and to his delight Peanut gave a kick. Ok, baby was safe. That was all that mattered.
“Dean?”
Ah Sam was still talking. No, not Sam. Dean had learnt his lesson. No use wishing for what wasn’t there.
“Benny?”
Benny growled for some reason. Other Benny groaned. Why were there two?
Blinking to clear his eyes, Dean had to blink again as the Benny in front of him became…
“Sam?”
The arms around him tightened.
“What… What are you doing here?”
Wrong response. Sam’s face tightened into bitch face 43 ((I am so pissed off at you you have no idea) with a hint of 18 (we are going to talk about this, Dean).
Great.
Dean didn’t want to deal with either of those things. And he certainly didn’t want to be dealing with it lying on his back. He wriggled, attempting to get out of Sam’s arms. Sam just picked him up, carrying him across to the nearest reading chair. Instead of depositing Dean, like any normal person would, Sam kept a hold of Dean, sitting down before arranging Dean in his lap.
“Sammy! Enough with the octopus arms!”
Sam’s expression was unimpressed. “You really think I’m letting go of you any time soon?”
Dean stilled.
Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t really sure what he thought.
Sam used Dean’s silence to his advantage, pulling him in close. “Fuck, Dean! Why? Why didn’t you come like you said you would? I waited and I waited. I missed you so much…”
If Sam wasn’t crying, he was very close to it. Dean shifted, trying to dislodge his brother. But Sam’s hands were implacable. Dean sighed in frustration. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have at all, let alone in public.
“Look, I get it, we need to talk. But I’m at work now. I just need to finish shelving the books and…”
“No!”
Three voices said the word.
Well, one said it. Two growled it.
Sam and Benny looked ready to snap the other’s head off, while Cas just said it in his vague way, “That’s twice you’ve fainted on top of the ladder, so…”
“I didn’t faint.” It seemed important to defend his masculinity. A hysterical giggle bubbled up through him. The pregnant man defending his masculinity.
Sam, as always, the bastard, knew what was going through his head.
“Having a baby - our baby - doesn’t make you any less of a man, Dean. In fact,” And Sam was all sincerity now, “I think it’s amazing. You… you heard some stuff that I didn’t mean. How you could think that I….”
Dean shoved his hands over Sam’s mouth and hissed at him. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”
Sam’s mouth compressed in that line. “Fine. We’ll go back to your place. But we are having this conversation.”
Dean got ready to argue: work wasn’t over for the day. Sam couldn’t walk back in like he owned Dean’s life. That he was pregnant, not an invalid. But he didn’t get a chance to say anything, as Benny had things to say.
“Now just a minute. You won’t be going back to Dean’s house until he says it’s ok. You can’t walk in like you own his life! You can talk in the café.”
It was very lucky for Benny that Sam had Dean in his arms. Sam had been feeling angry for a while now, and he was very willing to take that out on the older man.
Dean had other ideas. He wrenched himself out of Sam’s lap, wobbling slightly on his feet. As both Benny and Sam reached for him, he brushed their hands away.
“Pregnant, not a fucking invalid. Benny,” Dean took a deep breath. “Thanks for worrying. I still don’t know how I feel about you calling Sam,” and he at least had the grace to look abashed, “But Sam is fine at my place. I don’t know how long his going to be here,” now Dean had to ignore Sam’s growl in the background, “but however long it is, he’ll stay with me.”
He held up his hands, forestalling any arguments. “I’m a big boy, I can make my own decisions. Sam? You got a car?” At his brother’s nod, he turned to Cas. “I’m sorry Cas, I won’t be able to finish my shift today. Same time tomorrow?”
Castiel gave him that steady stare he had. “I was going to suggest maternity leave starting next week. It seems that starting it from tomorrow would be…”
Cas trailed off as Benny thumped him on the back. “Me too, cher. Come in for food, but as of now, time to look after the momma-to-be. And you,” Benny was back to growling. “Look after him and don’t hurt him again.”
Before Sam could get into an argument, Dean grabbed his bag. “Fine. I’ll drop in tomorrow anyway. See you later.”
Sam was at his back, a proprietorial hand on the small of Dean’s back, ushering him out. It was... equal parts annoying and wonderful.
“My car’s this way.”
Sam steered him towards a little yellow Hyundai. Dean stopped dead in his tracks.
“What the fuck is that, Sammy?”
“It’s just a hire care, Dean.”
“You don’t seriously expect me to get in that thing?”
Sam knew Dean was nervous. Dean got defensive when he was nervous. But Sam was pissed off.
“You can get in the car yourself, or I will carry you to the car, before buckling you in. Which would you prefer?”
Sam wasn’t joking. Dean got in the car.
“Still a piece of shit,” he muttered under his breath.
--
The house wasn’t far. They could have walked, but now all of Sam’s stuff was there as well. He grabbed his duffle, waiting for Dean, who struggled a little to get to his feet. Sam desperately wanted to help, but knew he had to wait. Dean hadn’t accepted him back into his life yet. He would. But Sam knew better than to push right now. He’d already waited months to hold Dean. A few more minutes weren’t going to matter.
--
Dean fumbled with the keys. Not only fumbled them, but dropped the fuckers. And he wasn’t so good at the bending. He felt tears of frustration flood his eyes. Hormones! Stupid fucking hormones. It wasn’t a big deal, and now that Sammy was back, well, that was more than enough girls in the relationship.
Dean froze. Relationship. He… No. No. They didn’t. Before he started hyperventilating, Sam’s hand was back on his back, the keys had been rescued and door opened. Sam ushered him through.
“Come on, Dean. I know it’s been a shock.” Dean was placed on the couch, then Sam went about the kitchen, making himself at home. He came back, with some of Benny’s pastries on a plate, and a glass of water.
Dean looked at the water, nose wrinkled in disgust. “Wow, Sammy. You shouldn’t have.”
Sam calmly pulled up a chair, decided not to sit next to Dean. Yet.
“I don’t know how you drink tea, and I’m not making you coffee. Drink the water so we can talk.”
But now that he was here… Sam didn’t know what to say, even where to start. Should he tell Dean how much he missed him? How not a single moment went by when Dean wasn’t on his mind. Or the way he thought his heart would break when Dean hadn’t turned up in October – like he said he would. Or how about how angry he is, that Dean would run from him, instead of talking it out. He loves Dean. He fucking loves Dean, and Dean was willing to walk out on what they had. Have. On what they have. What about how scared he was? And still is. Scared he’d never see Dean again. Scared something had happened to him. And now scared about the baby, about what that means for them, as a family. How could Dean leave without telling him? Talking to him? Regardless of what Sam said, surely Dean knows he loves him? That, more than anything, hurt.
And that’s what comes out first. “Why couldn’t you tell me?”
Sam kept his eyes lowered, missing the blush that spread across Dean’s face.
“Sammy…”
Dean starts and stops. He doesn’t know what to say either. He’s missed Sam. He’s missed Sam every single day, but he’d had no intention of destroying Sam’s life. No intention of dragging him into this, away from school and friends, and all the things he’d dreamed of. When Dean found out he was pregnant, he gave Sam his freedom. That was the only thing he could do.
And now Sam was here, sitting right in front of him. Sam came for him, leaving behind the life Dean gave him. Sam chose Dean. Dean felt a flutter of guilt for being glad that Sam was here. Words he’d kept at bay for so long attempted to rise to the surface: words of love, of longing, of how much I’ve missed you. They aren’t the words he speaks.
“You don’t want kids. I… uh… what you said to dad. Saying how terrible you’d be, I’d be as parents. And…” Dean paused then shrugged. “And that was the day you left for Stanford.”
Silence settled over the pair. Although Sam desperately wanted to defend himself, he could still read his brother well enough to know Dean wasn’t finished.
The silence continued for a few more moments. Dean fidgeted until the words burst from him.
“That was the day I found out I was pregnant.”
Even if he’d wanted to, Sam couldn’t have stopped himself from moving to the couch and scooping up his brother, wrapping him in his arms.
“Oh, Dean. I’m so sorry…”
Dean struggled to sit up and get his own space back. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I should have…”
Using his greater strength, Sam manoeuvred Dean onto his lap again, using his long reach to effectively trap his brother.
“Yes. You should have. You should have told me. I was angry, Dean. Angry at dad, angry at the world. And you know I don’t mean the things I say when I’m angry. But even if I meant it… you should have told me. A baby… it doesn’t’ just affect you.”
Ok. That was a fair call. Sam had been intimately involved in Peanut’s creation. And while Sam was slow to anger, if anyone could push his buttons it was dad. Leading up to Sam’s departure hadn’t been an easy time. Sam and John had fought pretty much every day. Sam leaving had nothing to do with Dean, the timing was just wrong.
“And Dad…” Sam sighed. He really didn’t want to think about John. He’d have a lot to say about this, but fuck him. He wasn’t even thinking about him til he and Dean were ok. “We’ll talk about dad later. He thought you were with me. He needs to know you’re ok.”
Sam felt dark satisfaction at finding Dean before dad did. It was only a little tainted by Benny.
Dean fidgeted. So much he wanted to ask. Was dad mad? What were they going to tell him? Was Sam going to stay? What did Sam want? What about Stanford?
He was afraid of the answers though.
Sam used his mind reading trick again.
“I hated being at Stanford.”
Deans’ head shot up, and he twisted, so he could look Sam in the face. “What? It was your dream, Sammy!”
“My dream is being with you,“ Sam corrected. “Did I want to go to college? Sure. I wanted stability, and to make something of myself. Something that wasn’t hunting. But it was nothing without you. I missed you every fucking day. I tried. I tried studying, and meeting people, and going to parties…”
Dean stared at Sam. “Did you meet anyone?”
“Hmmm... I wonder.” Sam laughed as Dean scowled at him. “I wasn’t interested in anyone else, Dean. I’m still not. You’re the one for me, always have and always will be.”
And if that wasn’t disgustingly sappy, Dean didn’t know what was.
“So are we good?”
Sam looked at him seriously. “No. Not yet. I’m still really pissed that you didn’t tell me about the baby. And not coming to Stanford when you said you would.” Sam’s brow dropped. “And running away?” Dean tensed at the growl in Sam’s voice. “We’re not good yet. But we will be.”
Sam ran a critical eye over Dean. He’d been too full of emotion back at the bookstore to really check him out. He’d vaguely thought he looked tired, but now he had the time to look properly, that wasn’t quite true. He looked exhausted. “So. We still need to talk about it, but that can wait til after a nap.”
“What the hell, Sammy? You can’t come back and take over...”
Sam interrupted Dean’s diatribe with a firm kiss. “Yes I can. And I will. You obviously haven’t been looking after yourself, Dean.” Sam allowed his dimples to show. “And you heard your bosses. You’re on maternity leave. Looks like I came just at the right time. So first things first. A nap, then we’ll get you fed, and then we can have that discussion.”
“I don’t want to,” Dean muttered at his brother. Sam ignored him, hoisting him into his arms, successfully finding his way to the bedroom.
It was very Dean, Sam reflected. It was sparse, but welcoming. And dominated by the biggest bed he’d ever seen. Sam couldn’t help the tightening in his gut.
“Bit big for one, Dean,” he remarked casually.
Dean of course saw right through it.
“There’s been no one else Sam. I haven’t wanted anyone.“ Sighing, Dean looked at the bed. It did look inviting. “Well, you’ve successfully dropped off your package, you can do… what the hell are you doing Sam?”
After dropping Dean on the bed, Sam was busily shucking off his clothes. When he was down to boxers, he moved forward, grabbing Dean, starting to strip off his layers. Dean still wore too many clothes.
“We’re having a nap,” he told Dean calmly.
This went as well as expected. Sam just shushed him.
“I haven’t seen you in six months. You really think I’m letting you out of my sight?”
When Dean was down to boxers, Sam took his hand to drag him towards the bed. And stopped. He hadn’t really thought about the whole pregnancy thing. But here was Dean, his tummy swelling, full of their child.
Fuck. Dean was carrying their baby. That was…
He looked at Dean, gesturing towards the new curves. “Dean, can I…”
Dean shrugged uncomfortably. “Sure, go ahead, Sammy. “
Sam gently seated his brother on the edge of the bed, before sinking between Dean’s spread knees. He reverently laid a hand on the soft swell. Only to be kicked. He brought his hand back, as if stung, staring at the bump.
“What the fuck?”
Den was smiling, looking at his belly. “Yeah, Peanut is fucking active. Kicks me all the time! I swear I have bruises on my bruises now!”
Staring at Dean with wide eyes, Sam had to ask, “Dean! Are you? Are you... what... what can I do?”
Dean turned the soft smile on Sam. “Peanut’s ok. I’m ok. “
Sam put his hand back, looking at the skin ripple, feeling the pressure against his hand. “Wow. He – she – what are we having Dean?”
Dean laughed. “Didn’t find out. Thought Peanut would let us know when they arrive.“ Dean grimaced. He wasn’t looking forward to that. He still had so much to organise, he hadn’t done anything yet, hadn’t organised the hospital, been to the pre natal clinic, he hadn’t even prepared the nursery, and he still had…
Sam’s mouth found his, hand rubbing soft circles across his belly.
“It’s ok, Dean. I’m here now. You don’t have to do it by yourself. Peanut is ours. We’ll have a sleep,” and boy did Dean need one. As soon as he sat down he seemed to collapse in on himself, ”Then we’ll figure out what needs to be done.”
Dean nodded tiredly. He was pretty much at his limit for what he could deal with. It had been an emotional day “We’ll need to call Benny later. I normally go to the café for dinner, but I bet you don’t want to.”
Sam growled lowly. He realised he’d have to come to some understanding with the other man, but for now he ignored the issue, instead pulling Dean into his arms. Dean went easily enough, although he complained when Sam wrapped his arms around, and then – when it didn’t feel like enough – swung his legs over Dean. No way was he going anywhere without Sam knowing!
“Uh... Sam. You don’t have to hold me so tight.”
Sam’s response was to hold him tighter.
“Already lost you once, Dean. It’s not happening a second time.”
Sam settled down with a soft sigh, feeling his belly relax as Dean sank into his embrace. He had Dean back. They had a baby on the way. They were going to be a family.
And Sam was never going to let them go.
part 1
art masterpost
Time goes fast, Dean mused as he woke in his little apartment. Bringing his hand to his face, he quickly scrubbed away the tear tracks that seemed to appear there daily. Taking a deep breath he looked around, basking in the comfort his little home brought. It was cosy, although the bed was big enough for three. He’d even made efforts to decorate with a few posters on the wall. And a bookshelf full of books. Dean even owned a food processor and roasting pan for fuck’s sake.
Fuck! Dean realised with a jolt. He was nesting. He was fucking nesting, creating the home he’d never had. That he wanted peanut to have. He knew it was normal, but still felt the flush of embarrassment. Throwing back the blankets, he headed to the shower, needing to clear his head and give himself the daily pep talk.
It’s ok to miss Sam, he told himself as the hot water hit his body.
It’s ok to accept help from Benny and Cas. They were friends as well as his bosses.
It’s ok to nest. Soon he was going to be a daddy, and he wanted his kid to have a happy home. And a happy kid needed a happy parent. Dean had learnt that lesson well.
It’s ok to be happy. It’s ok to be happy. It bore repeating.
Groaning, he rested his head against the wall, just standing under the water stream. The problem was, he wasn’t happy. He missed Sam. He still missed Sam! Every day and every night. Why couldn’t he just… file it all into the Do Not Open box in his brain? His dad was pretty firmly stuffed in there. Sam should be too! It wasn’t fair.
Briefly Dean toyed with the idea of calling Bobby, to find out if his family was ok. But if anyone was actually looking for him, Bobby would be the first port of call. Unsure what to do, Dean decided to stuff the thoughts back in the Do Not Open box. A few days weren’t going to make a difference.
Turning off the water he gave a decisive nod. No point wallowing in the past.
As he reached for his towel, he caught sight of his reflection. Ah… another thing to add to the morning list. It’s ok for his body to change.
Turning on the side, he had a soft little belly now. Just pudge really. He didn’t look pregnant. He just looked a little… softer. Laughing wryly, he remembered his panicked rush to the doctors, only to be assured that male carriers rarely showed until the last month of pregnancy. And even then it wasn’t big. Which definitely wasn’t what he remembered Pamela saying…
Still. Time passed too quickly. Only six weeks now, and Dean still hadn’t told Benny or Cas. He’d need time off at least…
But he’d think about that later. Because right now? Right now things were ok. As long as he ignored the Sam factor (and if at night he dreamt of he and Sam, living here, working, raising their child, well, it was easy enough to wipe the tears away in the morning and forget it had ever happened). Even missing Sam, Dean felt settled for the first time he could remember. He had, thanks to Benny, an actual home. Something he’d never let himself dream of. Hell, he even had friends, even though he worked with them.
“Enough thinking, Winchester,” he told his reflection. “You have wages to earn. And maybe a nursery to start painting…”
--
He could do what he wanted with the apartment. Benny was his landlord, and had given him free reign. Even with that permission, he hadn’t done much baby wise. He didn’t know what to do, so he didn’t talk about it. And now so long had passed, he didn’t know how to bring it up now. Not even to Benny, someone Dean now considered a friend.
After the initial hesitancy regarding Benny’s intentions, Dean found himself liking the man. Considered him a friend, and a good friend. Even if the friendship was… complicated. At least on Dean’s side. Benny was a recent divorcee, who never saw his kids. His former husband, Andrew, sounded like a vindictive bastard. But hearing about how his partner left, how Benny missed his kids… it made Dean question himself. It made him think of Sam, and worry about his choice. Was Dean being vindictive by not allowing Sam to know? But Sam… Sam didn’t want kids. And Sam wanted a normal life.
Dean had mostly managed to convince himself he was doing the right thing. But it was a daily battle. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want Sam around. That’s what all those dreams were about! A family. His family. Dean’s hand tightened over his belly. Well, he still had family. Just not the expected one.
And Benny was talkative. Very talkative. While Dean said as little about himself as possible, he couldn’t say nothing. So he stuck to the basics, saying only that his partner walked out on him, and while it wasn’t the whole truth, it was true enough. Both being dumped gave them something to bond over. Unfortunately, Benny saw Dean as a brother in arms, and became much more forthcoming about his relationship with Andrew. Dean knew it was partly because Benny wanted Dean to open up (and no fucking way was that happening), but it was mainly because Benny still hurt so much. Rather than let the anger and sadness and fear fester, he ripped the scab off every day. Something Dean could learn from. Maybe.
So Dean listened, and soothed, and avoided answering pretty much everything. And made himself a friend.
--
Dean’d been staring into space for 10 minutes now, rubbing the same spot on the counter. It’s not that they’re busy – they’re not. But this was becoming a more and more common occurrence. Benny had first noticed it when he talked about Andrew. He’d then ask about Dean’s partner, and Dean would… zone out. There’d be a look of longing on his face. Despite Dean’s assurances that his partner was well out of the picture, Benny wasn’t so sure.
And Dean’s pregnant. He hasn’t said anything, and even if the rest of the world was blind, Benny was not. Benny had been subtly trying to find out what was going on. Because male carriers looked no different. Until they’re pregnant. Then they may as well wear the red ‘P’.
Benny didn’t want to force information from Dean, but he wanted to reassure him he wasn’t alone. So Benny talked around the subject as much as he could. He looked after Dean as much as a friend could – set him up with the apartment (well, it had been sitting empty. And if he chose to rent it for a little less than it was worth, well, who was going to argue with the landlord?) He’d even organised for Dean to work at Castiel’s bookshop in the afternoons.
That had been a stroke of pure genius. And luck, he admitted grudgingly. Castiel needed the help, Dean needed the money, and… ok, Benny was projecting. Andrew hadn’t taken well to pregnancy, he’d been tired and angry, and needed help. But the moment he’d laid eyes on Dean he’d seen the same look.
Of course, Dean was very different to Andrew. Dean worked hard, and he had an unwavering need to prove himself worthwhile. Benny idly wondered where that need came from, because it wasn’t healthy. It was almost pathological. And Dean was incapable of staying still. It was like he was missing something.
Or someone.
Benny didn’t want to get in Dean’s business. He really didn’t. That never led to good things. But he was worried. And the way Dean spoke about his partner – former partner – lead Benny to believe it wasn’t as cut and dried as he and Andrew.
So Benny watched and worried and waited.
--
Dean called goodbye and grabbed the pastry box on his way out. He was glad to be leaving. It’d been a bad day. Not bad bad, after all, no one had tried to murder or maim him. But he’d just felt off. He knew he wasn’t doing his work, and although Benny had offered to let him go home early, Dean didn’t feel like being alone. So as soon as he was done he was out the door, and on to the next job.
Castiel was an easy going boss. Weird. Very weird. But interesting. The books that Cas stocked the shelves with? Well, they just brought Dean joy. He loved opening the boxes, seeing what delights awaited the reading population of Lindstone. And when he wasn’t stacking shelves, or helping customers, or manning the till, he was curled up reading in one of the big chairs placed randomly around the shop. As long as he jumped up when the bell over the door rang, Castiel was actually cool with him reading.
When he’d questioned Castiel on it, his response was weird. As usual.
“You’re like a cat. People like cats. Did you know there are bookstores which keep real cats? It is soothing to the customers.”
--
That afternoon Dean was more like a monkey. Scaling the ladder, he had a box of books precariously balanced. Less precariously than himself as it happens. Somehow he… fell? Honestly, he doesn’t even remember what happened. One moment his at the top of a ladder, the next thing he knows he’s on the floor with big strong arms wrapped around him, and someone sounding worried talking in his ear. Worried about him?
“Sam?”
The shadowy figure kept talking.
“Cher! Are you ok?”
Dean blinked until the shadowy form coalesced into something more solid. It wasn’t Sam, it was Benny.
It wasn’t Sam.
Dean blinked again, this time clearing the tears from his eyes. Sam… he missed Sam so much. Benny’s hand still stroking soothingly through his hair just made it worse.
“You’re ok, cher? Can you talk to me? Are you ok?”
Of course he was ok. He was Dean Winchester. He pushed himself into a half sitting position, Benny’s arms fluttering around him. He pushed them away.
“I’m fine, Benny. Don’t need to act like a mother hen.”
Lips pursed, Benny observed him closely, before turning to Castiel, who was also there. So everyone who employed him had witnessed his humiliating fall? Just great.
Avoiding all eye contact, Dean slowly pushed himself to his feet, hands instinctively cradling his belly. He staggered off towards to the storeroom, intent on just getting away from everyone, when Benny’s hand came down on his shoulder.
“Where are you going, cher?”
Dean shook the hand off. “Just out back got things to do.”
Benny and Castiel exchanged looks.
“Dean, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” As Dean went to interrupt, Castiel continued over him. “At least sit down and make sure you’re ok. Not dizzy.”
It wasn’t like he could argue with that. Dean resentfully went and sat in one of the reading chairs. Actually, now that he thought about it, he was remarkably pain free for a fall… Oh no.
“Oh yes.” Damn, Dean must have spoken aloud. “It was just good timing, Dean,” Benny told him softly. “You were slumping as I came in. I didn’t think I’d get to you in time…”
There’s a thoughtful pause. Benny knows he shouldn’t do this. He also knows that he almost had a heart attack. Nodding determinedly, he turns to Castiel.
“So no more letting the pregnant man up the ladder anymore.”
“What!” The two speak in tandem, Castiel mild and surprised, Dean shocked and angry.
“Oh, cher.” Benny looks at Dean sadly. “I have two kids. That’s watching Andrew through two pregnancies. I know the signs.”
Dean shifted under the kind expression, only to find himself pinned by Castiel’s intense eyes.
“Uh… Cas?”
Castiel blinked. “I’m sorry, Dean. My partner is also pregnant, but I hadn’t noticed anything different… I didn’t notice,” he offered apologetically.
Dean’s had enough. “What, you just thought I was fat?”
Unintentionally Castiel’s eyes are drawn to Dean’s soft belly.
“I hadn’t really thought about it…”
“Well think about it now,” Benny commanded. “He can’t be climbing ladders anymore.”
“Now wait a goddamn minu…”
“It’s ok, Dean. That isn’t really why I hired you. It was an added bonus. As is your easy manner with customers and love of books.”
Well if those were the added bonuses…
Castiel answered Dean’s unspoken question. “You bring the pastries from the café.”
Dean was flabbergasted. “You hired me to bring the pastries? Cas, it would be cheaper to get them couriered!”
--
Benny sat at his desk. He had a name now. Dean’s response when waking had been to call for this man – Sam. The zoning out was one thing. Benny had been worried, but let it go, just keeping a closer eye on him. Dean wouldn’t accept help easily, but the passing out on top of the ladder…? Benny felt like had to do something.
A little bit of soul searching (but not too much. Benny’d been thinking of it for a while), and Benny decided Dean needs more active help. Benny doesn’t want to become romantically entangled with Dean (although he’s not blind. Dean was a fine looking man), he just wanted to help his friend.
He knew it might be the end of their friendship, but he had to do it. If their situations were reversed, if Andrew wanted him… well, he’d be grateful and back in a heartbeat. And based on his intuition, things weren’t over with Sam. Going over the few things Dean had let slip, Benny started looking.
--
It was easier than he thought. Without knowing Sam’s last name, Benny went for Winchester. Reasoning that there wouldn’t be too many Sam Winchesters at Stanford Law School. Benny was right. A few favours called in, and he had a number in front of him.
Huffing to himself, Benny resolutely picked up the phone. Well, no time like the present.
--
“Hello, this is Benny Lafitte. Am I speaking with Sam Winchester? I’m calling about your ex-partner. Who?” Benny’s eyes narrowed, and he struggled to contain his rising anger. “Dean. Dean Winchester.
--
Sam couldn’t breathe.
Since seeing his dad, he’d put out feelers, calling in all the favours he could. And no one - no one - had heard from Dean. And now this? To have some stranger call up to ask about Dean? While all he wanted to do is beg for information, he couldn’t. Not yet. It could be a trap.
“And this is your business, how?”
Sam could feel the anger crackling down the line.
“Dean was recently injured…”
Sam’s mind raced. Was he still hunting? If he was, how had no one heard of him? Was this his new partner?
“Benny Lafitte, you said. How exactly do you know Dean?”
--
Benny simmered. Fair enough, this Sam didn’t know him, but he didn’t seem overly concerned about Dean either.
“I’m Dean’s boss. I was calling to tell you Dean was hurt – not badly – at his other job today. Happily he and the baby are fine, but I shouldn’t have called you. Don’t worry Mr Winchester, it won’t happen again. “
Fucking condescending ass. Sam was so enraged by hearing this other man even say Dean’s name he didn’t hear it all.
“Now wait a minute, what are you doing with Dean anyway? And what gives you the right to judge me? You have no idea what went on…”
“What I know,” Benny raised his voice, drowning out Sam, “is that I sure as hell wouldn’t run out on my pregnant partner, and I don’t know why I thought ringing you would make a difference.”
Benny paused, waiting for a response. There was only silence.
--
Pregnant? Dean was pregnant? Little things started to make sense. Dean being a little more clingy before he left, and he’d actually seen tears in Dean’s eyes the night he’d left for Stanford. Sam had just put that down to Dean’s weird sixth sense where Sam was concerned. And then there was the way he’d totally rejected him. Why? Why had he done that? Why had… Oh fuck. Sam was cursed (or blessed depending on how you looked it) with virtually perfect recall. He rarely forgot anything. He certainly hasn’t forgotten informing their dad how fucked he and Dean were as parents.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Dean, his beautiful, self-sacrificing, stubborn idiot of a brother wouldn’t have seen it was just anger. He would have taken it to heart, deciding for Sam that Sam didn’t want kids, so he’d taken the option away.
He’d given Sam his chance at a normal life.
“Stubborn fucking idiot!” Sam had forgotten Benny was on the phone. He was quickly reminded as he heard the slight growl on the other end.
“Ah.” There was a long pause. “You didn’t know.”
Benny didn’t know what to do. Dean hadn’t said anything, which meant what exactly?
“Where exactly are you,” Sam barked into the phone.
--
It wasn’t easy getting the information out of Benny. Although he’d refused to give out Dean’s home address (and ok, Sam could respect that, even as he wanted to tear the other man limb from limb for knowing things about Dean that he didn’t), he’d gotten a town name and the address of Benny’s restaurant. It was a start.
Returning to his room, Sam had only one goal: retrieve his wayward brother. All thoughts of Stanford were gone.
Bag packed in less than 20 minutes, Sam looked around the room. Clothes, law books, student posters… the trappings of college life. There was nothing here he wanted. His heart was already in Lindstone, three days drive away. It’s going to take him three days to get Dean. Sam doesn’t know if he wants to fuck him or strangle him. At least he’ll have time to thank about it.
Jess, however had a different idea. She also had a weird sixth sense when it came to Sam. As he exited his building, there she was. Arms folded, leaning against her car, staring as he walked out the door.
“Not even a good bye.”
It’s statement more than question. Hefting his bag, Sam sighed. “Look, you always knew I was all about Dean. Now I know where he is, and I need to go to him.”
Laughing bitterly, Jess sneered at him. “Well, Sam. He may be the love of your life, but are you his? After all, he didn’t come see you, who’s to say he hasn’t found someone else?”
Sam willed himself to not touch her. Even one tiny movement in her direction, and he didn’t know if he could stop himself from harming her. He was too angry, on edge already. Taking a deep breath, he forced his muscles to relax.
“I don’t know what this is about, Jess. We always agreed we were just covering for each other, and as soon as I had Dean we’d break up. So I don’t know what the whole mistreated girlfriend thing is about.”
Jess just glared at him. To reveal now she never had another person, and had been playing Sam, hoping to win him over… well, that wasn’t going to win points. She’d hoped that when the time came and went and she was still there and Dean wasn’t…
Whatever. Hopeless case. She should have known.
“Whatever, Sam. Good luck with Dean.”
Sam didn’t even deign to answer. And like that, she was out of his life and mind.
--
At eight months, Dean could really feel it. Peanut was a mini-sasquatch, so Dean showed a lot more than expected. And Peanut was damn active too, with all the kicking. All the fucking kicking. Honestly? He didn’t remember it hurting this much when a were had clawed his stomach.
“Take after you papa don’t you, the two of you always causing me pain,” Dean fondly told his bump.
But the worst thing wasn’t the internal bruising. The worst thing was the complete and utter bone-deep exhaustion. Since he’d fallen from the ladder, Dean hadn’t slept well. At all really, and every day was a struggle. He knew he was making mistakes at work, although he covered them as best he could. Benny and Cas hadn’t said anything, but he could feel their concern. That morning Benny had ordered him to a table, setting him down with salad and tea. Salad! Dean had argued at first, wanted to be up and working. But Benny was adamant, and Dean sensible enough to realise he was a kitchen accident waiting to happen. Benny then cruelly ignoring his pleas for proper food or coffee… Ah, coffee. Coffee could have woken him up. Someone needed to do some research to show pregnant people could drink the fucking stuff. Lifeblood…
Heaving himself off his chair, Dean called a cheery goodbye to Benny.
“Cher?”
“Huh? Yeah, Benny?”
“Wanna take the pastries with you?”
Dean felt his face blush bright red. Some mistakes were harder than others to cover. Instead of blustering though, he just thanked Benny, before heading off to the bookshop.
Benny watched him leave, a concerned look on his face. Ah well, Castiel would look out for him. Although… Benny glanced around the room. Maybe he would just clear the tables and then head off to check on him.
The bell above the door jangled.
“I’ll be with you in a moment. Take a seat and I’ll get you a menu.”
The response was terse. “I don’t want a menu. I want Dean.”
Benny took a deep breath and centred himself. He couldn’t start a fight without knowing what he was getting into. A second breath, and he turned to greet the… giant of a man. Tall and very well-muscled. Benny was not small. He generally felt that could handle himself. But this guy? Benny wouldn’t like to meet him in a dark alley.
Plastering a smile on his face, Benny greeted him. “And you must be Sam.”
--
There was only one more box that needed unpacking.
And it was sitting there taunting him. And while Castiel hadn’t said don’t stack the shelves, it was understood that Dean just wouldn’t. But one box… One box wouldn’t hurt. And then he could feel like he achieved something for the day. A quick, shifty eyed look around, and Dean was up the ladder. It was slower than last time (had he really lost all of his fitness?) and it seemed higher than last time too. Dean blinked as the books in front of him slowly faded in and out.
It hadn’t been his brightest idea. The books even agreed, calling to him as he fell. Again.
--
“Dean! Dean? Are you ok? Talk to me?”
Once again there were strong arms around him. He was comfortable. Warm. He didn’t hurt. His hands immediately crept to his belly, and to his delight Peanut gave a kick. Ok, baby was safe. That was all that mattered.
“Dean?”
Ah Sam was still talking. No, not Sam. Dean had learnt his lesson. No use wishing for what wasn’t there.
“Benny?”
Benny growled for some reason. Other Benny groaned. Why were there two?
Blinking to clear his eyes, Dean had to blink again as the Benny in front of him became…
“Sam?”
The arms around him tightened.
“What… What are you doing here?”
Wrong response. Sam’s face tightened into bitch face 43 ((I am so pissed off at you you have no idea) with a hint of 18 (we are going to talk about this, Dean).
Great.
Dean didn’t want to deal with either of those things. And he certainly didn’t want to be dealing with it lying on his back. He wriggled, attempting to get out of Sam’s arms. Sam just picked him up, carrying him across to the nearest reading chair. Instead of depositing Dean, like any normal person would, Sam kept a hold of Dean, sitting down before arranging Dean in his lap.
“Sammy! Enough with the octopus arms!”
Sam’s expression was unimpressed. “You really think I’m letting go of you any time soon?”
Dean stilled.
Now that he thought about it, he wasn’t really sure what he thought.
Sam used Dean’s silence to his advantage, pulling him in close. “Fuck, Dean! Why? Why didn’t you come like you said you would? I waited and I waited. I missed you so much…”
If Sam wasn’t crying, he was very close to it. Dean shifted, trying to dislodge his brother. But Sam’s hands were implacable. Dean sighed in frustration. This wasn’t a conversation he wanted to have at all, let alone in public.
“Look, I get it, we need to talk. But I’m at work now. I just need to finish shelving the books and…”
“No!”
Three voices said the word.
Well, one said it. Two growled it.
Sam and Benny looked ready to snap the other’s head off, while Cas just said it in his vague way, “That’s twice you’ve fainted on top of the ladder, so…”
“I didn’t faint.” It seemed important to defend his masculinity. A hysterical giggle bubbled up through him. The pregnant man defending his masculinity.
Sam, as always, the bastard, knew what was going through his head.
“Having a baby - our baby - doesn’t make you any less of a man, Dean. In fact,” And Sam was all sincerity now, “I think it’s amazing. You… you heard some stuff that I didn’t mean. How you could think that I….”
Dean shoved his hands over Sam’s mouth and hissed at him. “I don’t want to have this conversation right now.”
Sam’s mouth compressed in that line. “Fine. We’ll go back to your place. But we are having this conversation.”
Dean got ready to argue: work wasn’t over for the day. Sam couldn’t walk back in like he owned Dean’s life. That he was pregnant, not an invalid. But he didn’t get a chance to say anything, as Benny had things to say.
“Now just a minute. You won’t be going back to Dean’s house until he says it’s ok. You can’t walk in like you own his life! You can talk in the café.”
It was very lucky for Benny that Sam had Dean in his arms. Sam had been feeling angry for a while now, and he was very willing to take that out on the older man.
Dean had other ideas. He wrenched himself out of Sam’s lap, wobbling slightly on his feet. As both Benny and Sam reached for him, he brushed their hands away.
“Pregnant, not a fucking invalid. Benny,” Dean took a deep breath. “Thanks for worrying. I still don’t know how I feel about you calling Sam,” and he at least had the grace to look abashed, “But Sam is fine at my place. I don’t know how long his going to be here,” now Dean had to ignore Sam’s growl in the background, “but however long it is, he’ll stay with me.”
He held up his hands, forestalling any arguments. “I’m a big boy, I can make my own decisions. Sam? You got a car?” At his brother’s nod, he turned to Cas. “I’m sorry Cas, I won’t be able to finish my shift today. Same time tomorrow?”
Castiel gave him that steady stare he had. “I was going to suggest maternity leave starting next week. It seems that starting it from tomorrow would be…”
Cas trailed off as Benny thumped him on the back. “Me too, cher. Come in for food, but as of now, time to look after the momma-to-be. And you,” Benny was back to growling. “Look after him and don’t hurt him again.”
Before Sam could get into an argument, Dean grabbed his bag. “Fine. I’ll drop in tomorrow anyway. See you later.”
Sam was at his back, a proprietorial hand on the small of Dean’s back, ushering him out. It was... equal parts annoying and wonderful.
“My car’s this way.”
Sam steered him towards a little yellow Hyundai. Dean stopped dead in his tracks.
“What the fuck is that, Sammy?”
“It’s just a hire care, Dean.”
“You don’t seriously expect me to get in that thing?”
Sam knew Dean was nervous. Dean got defensive when he was nervous. But Sam was pissed off.
“You can get in the car yourself, or I will carry you to the car, before buckling you in. Which would you prefer?”
Sam wasn’t joking. Dean got in the car.
“Still a piece of shit,” he muttered under his breath.
--
The house wasn’t far. They could have walked, but now all of Sam’s stuff was there as well. He grabbed his duffle, waiting for Dean, who struggled a little to get to his feet. Sam desperately wanted to help, but knew he had to wait. Dean hadn’t accepted him back into his life yet. He would. But Sam knew better than to push right now. He’d already waited months to hold Dean. A few more minutes weren’t going to matter.
--
Dean fumbled with the keys. Not only fumbled them, but dropped the fuckers. And he wasn’t so good at the bending. He felt tears of frustration flood his eyes. Hormones! Stupid fucking hormones. It wasn’t a big deal, and now that Sammy was back, well, that was more than enough girls in the relationship.
Dean froze. Relationship. He… No. No. They didn’t. Before he started hyperventilating, Sam’s hand was back on his back, the keys had been rescued and door opened. Sam ushered him through.
“Come on, Dean. I know it’s been a shock.” Dean was placed on the couch, then Sam went about the kitchen, making himself at home. He came back, with some of Benny’s pastries on a plate, and a glass of water.
Dean looked at the water, nose wrinkled in disgust. “Wow, Sammy. You shouldn’t have.”
Sam calmly pulled up a chair, decided not to sit next to Dean. Yet.
“I don’t know how you drink tea, and I’m not making you coffee. Drink the water so we can talk.”
But now that he was here… Sam didn’t know what to say, even where to start. Should he tell Dean how much he missed him? How not a single moment went by when Dean wasn’t on his mind. Or the way he thought his heart would break when Dean hadn’t turned up in October – like he said he would. Or how about how angry he is, that Dean would run from him, instead of talking it out. He loves Dean. He fucking loves Dean, and Dean was willing to walk out on what they had. Have. On what they have. What about how scared he was? And still is. Scared he’d never see Dean again. Scared something had happened to him. And now scared about the baby, about what that means for them, as a family. How could Dean leave without telling him? Talking to him? Regardless of what Sam said, surely Dean knows he loves him? That, more than anything, hurt.
And that’s what comes out first. “Why couldn’t you tell me?”
Sam kept his eyes lowered, missing the blush that spread across Dean’s face.
“Sammy…”
Dean starts and stops. He doesn’t know what to say either. He’s missed Sam. He’s missed Sam every single day, but he’d had no intention of destroying Sam’s life. No intention of dragging him into this, away from school and friends, and all the things he’d dreamed of. When Dean found out he was pregnant, he gave Sam his freedom. That was the only thing he could do.
And now Sam was here, sitting right in front of him. Sam came for him, leaving behind the life Dean gave him. Sam chose Dean. Dean felt a flutter of guilt for being glad that Sam was here. Words he’d kept at bay for so long attempted to rise to the surface: words of love, of longing, of how much I’ve missed you. They aren’t the words he speaks.
“You don’t want kids. I… uh… what you said to dad. Saying how terrible you’d be, I’d be as parents. And…” Dean paused then shrugged. “And that was the day you left for Stanford.”
Silence settled over the pair. Although Sam desperately wanted to defend himself, he could still read his brother well enough to know Dean wasn’t finished.
The silence continued for a few more moments. Dean fidgeted until the words burst from him.
“That was the day I found out I was pregnant.”
Even if he’d wanted to, Sam couldn’t have stopped himself from moving to the couch and scooping up his brother, wrapping him in his arms.
“Oh, Dean. I’m so sorry…”
Dean struggled to sit up and get his own space back. “You don’t have anything to be sorry for. I should have…”
Using his greater strength, Sam manoeuvred Dean onto his lap again, using his long reach to effectively trap his brother.
“Yes. You should have. You should have told me. I was angry, Dean. Angry at dad, angry at the world. And you know I don’t mean the things I say when I’m angry. But even if I meant it… you should have told me. A baby… it doesn’t’ just affect you.”
Ok. That was a fair call. Sam had been intimately involved in Peanut’s creation. And while Sam was slow to anger, if anyone could push his buttons it was dad. Leading up to Sam’s departure hadn’t been an easy time. Sam and John had fought pretty much every day. Sam leaving had nothing to do with Dean, the timing was just wrong.
“And Dad…” Sam sighed. He really didn’t want to think about John. He’d have a lot to say about this, but fuck him. He wasn’t even thinking about him til he and Dean were ok. “We’ll talk about dad later. He thought you were with me. He needs to know you’re ok.”
Sam felt dark satisfaction at finding Dean before dad did. It was only a little tainted by Benny.
Dean fidgeted. So much he wanted to ask. Was dad mad? What were they going to tell him? Was Sam going to stay? What did Sam want? What about Stanford?
He was afraid of the answers though.
Sam used his mind reading trick again.
“I hated being at Stanford.”
Deans’ head shot up, and he twisted, so he could look Sam in the face. “What? It was your dream, Sammy!”
“My dream is being with you,“ Sam corrected. “Did I want to go to college? Sure. I wanted stability, and to make something of myself. Something that wasn’t hunting. But it was nothing without you. I missed you every fucking day. I tried. I tried studying, and meeting people, and going to parties…”
Dean stared at Sam. “Did you meet anyone?”
“Hmmm... I wonder.” Sam laughed as Dean scowled at him. “I wasn’t interested in anyone else, Dean. I’m still not. You’re the one for me, always have and always will be.”
And if that wasn’t disgustingly sappy, Dean didn’t know what was.
“So are we good?”
Sam looked at him seriously. “No. Not yet. I’m still really pissed that you didn’t tell me about the baby. And not coming to Stanford when you said you would.” Sam’s brow dropped. “And running away?” Dean tensed at the growl in Sam’s voice. “We’re not good yet. But we will be.”
Sam ran a critical eye over Dean. He’d been too full of emotion back at the bookstore to really check him out. He’d vaguely thought he looked tired, but now he had the time to look properly, that wasn’t quite true. He looked exhausted. “So. We still need to talk about it, but that can wait til after a nap.”
“What the hell, Sammy? You can’t come back and take over...”
Sam interrupted Dean’s diatribe with a firm kiss. “Yes I can. And I will. You obviously haven’t been looking after yourself, Dean.” Sam allowed his dimples to show. “And you heard your bosses. You’re on maternity leave. Looks like I came just at the right time. So first things first. A nap, then we’ll get you fed, and then we can have that discussion.”
“I don’t want to,” Dean muttered at his brother. Sam ignored him, hoisting him into his arms, successfully finding his way to the bedroom.
It was very Dean, Sam reflected. It was sparse, but welcoming. And dominated by the biggest bed he’d ever seen. Sam couldn’t help the tightening in his gut.
“Bit big for one, Dean,” he remarked casually.
Dean of course saw right through it.
“There’s been no one else Sam. I haven’t wanted anyone.“ Sighing, Dean looked at the bed. It did look inviting. “Well, you’ve successfully dropped off your package, you can do… what the hell are you doing Sam?”
After dropping Dean on the bed, Sam was busily shucking off his clothes. When he was down to boxers, he moved forward, grabbing Dean, starting to strip off his layers. Dean still wore too many clothes.
“We’re having a nap,” he told Dean calmly.
This went as well as expected. Sam just shushed him.
“I haven’t seen you in six months. You really think I’m letting you out of my sight?”
When Dean was down to boxers, Sam took his hand to drag him towards the bed. And stopped. He hadn’t really thought about the whole pregnancy thing. But here was Dean, his tummy swelling, full of their child.
Fuck. Dean was carrying their baby. That was…
He looked at Dean, gesturing towards the new curves. “Dean, can I…”
Dean shrugged uncomfortably. “Sure, go ahead, Sammy. “
Sam gently seated his brother on the edge of the bed, before sinking between Dean’s spread knees. He reverently laid a hand on the soft swell. Only to be kicked. He brought his hand back, as if stung, staring at the bump.
“What the fuck?”
Den was smiling, looking at his belly. “Yeah, Peanut is fucking active. Kicks me all the time! I swear I have bruises on my bruises now!”
Staring at Dean with wide eyes, Sam had to ask, “Dean! Are you? Are you... what... what can I do?”
Dean turned the soft smile on Sam. “Peanut’s ok. I’m ok. “
Sam put his hand back, looking at the skin ripple, feeling the pressure against his hand. “Wow. He – she – what are we having Dean?”
Dean laughed. “Didn’t find out. Thought Peanut would let us know when they arrive.“ Dean grimaced. He wasn’t looking forward to that. He still had so much to organise, he hadn’t done anything yet, hadn’t organised the hospital, been to the pre natal clinic, he hadn’t even prepared the nursery, and he still had…
Sam’s mouth found his, hand rubbing soft circles across his belly.
“It’s ok, Dean. I’m here now. You don’t have to do it by yourself. Peanut is ours. We’ll have a sleep,” and boy did Dean need one. As soon as he sat down he seemed to collapse in on himself, ”Then we’ll figure out what needs to be done.”
Dean nodded tiredly. He was pretty much at his limit for what he could deal with. It had been an emotional day “We’ll need to call Benny later. I normally go to the café for dinner, but I bet you don’t want to.”
Sam growled lowly. He realised he’d have to come to some understanding with the other man, but for now he ignored the issue, instead pulling Dean into his arms. Dean went easily enough, although he complained when Sam wrapped his arms around, and then – when it didn’t feel like enough – swung his legs over Dean. No way was he going anywhere without Sam knowing!
“Uh... Sam. You don’t have to hold me so tight.”
Sam’s response was to hold him tighter.
“Already lost you once, Dean. It’s not happening a second time.”
Sam settled down with a soft sigh, feeling his belly relax as Dean sank into his embrace. He had Dean back. They had a baby on the way. They were going to be a family.
And Sam was never going to let them go.
part 1
art masterpost
Tags:
- artist: miss_melissa17,
- attribute: humour,
- attribute: mild angst,
- attribute: schmoop,
- challenge: sam/dean minibang,
- character: benny lafitte,
- character: castiel,
- character: dean winchester,
- character: jess,
- character: john winchester,
- character: omc,
- character: sam winchester,
- kink: bottom!dean,
- kink: mpreg,
- kink: no sex,
- kink: schmoop,
- kink: size kink,
- kink: spooning,
- kink: top!sam,
- kink: toppy sam,
- pairing: sam winchester/dean winchester,
- part 2,
- rating: m,
- title: and baby makes three
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2014-11-18 08:59 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-19 05:35 am (UTC)And isn't "lj user="miss_melissa17"> wonderful! Her art is just fantastic :-)
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Date: 2014-11-28 12:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2014-11-28 02:35 am (UTC)I am glad you enjoyed, and thanks for letting me know :-)