I see a red door

[majestic_duxk]

I am having a bad day.

actually, it's not really a bad day, it's more like the culmination of bad months.

I'm just in such a negative headspace, and my upset/angry/frustrated thoughts are just spiralling around.

it makes sense, I know. Mum's health issues. Dad's health issues. My employment issues. I feel like I have no support, and while that isn't exactly true, the feelings are very real.

So I am just... angry. Angry frustrated sad. And I don't want to feel like this, but I also am really struggling with how to kick the crankyness. I'm in a mental/physical/emotional rut, and I keep thinking oh yeah. I'm home! I could start eating healthy. or start exercising. I could improve my drawing skills, or maybe work on Japanese all these things and I end up doing none of them. NONE.

but yeah. I am not in a great space, and I am not being very effective at pushing myself out of it. I am hoping that the sunny weather will help (I hope it's sunny. today was the first day with sunshine in two weeks)

Comments

[anactoria]

*hugs you*

It sounds very much like you're having to be the strong one in the family at the moment -- which is not always avoidable, especially when parental health issues are involved -- but it does take a toll and those feelings of having no support are totally understandable. And it's easy to feel like you should be functioning as normal, because after all you're not the one in and out of hospital, but it's actually a lot to carry. Try not to be too hard on yourself, bb, I guess is what I'm trying to say. <33

[beelikej]

*hugs you real tight* All the "I should" feelings are not helping when you already are feeling angry-frustrated-sad, it sucks. But you seem to be aware of looking at it from outside your headspace, and that's a start. Hope you will be able to enjoy the sun and it will make you feel a little better today and that it will help you look forward. *hugs some more*

[lysanatt]

It's okay to let it out and be angry and doing nothing. Seeing that you might have been incredibly stressed, what with everything that has happened, it's no wonder that you get a day like this.

There is a lot of could. Couldn't you just take a day where you are cranky and angry and unhealthy and sitting on the sofa doing nothing? Today, and tomorrow and until you get tired of it enough to do one or two other things that aren't as cranky? Sounds like you are being pretty strict with yourself. Maybe decide to do one thing in a day or two? You can't do everything in one go anyway. It gets too overwhelming if you feel like you need to do all of it right away, yes?

[brightly_lit]

Aww, honey, it does seem like you've been going through an extraordinarily tough time lately. It DOES make sense. But sometimes the hardest times are the ones that end up pushing us into a whole new phase of blooming and achieving and accomplishment. I hope that's the case for you, bb.

[septembers_coda]

I wish I could be there to offer RL support. Cyber-support just isn't the same.

I so, so get the complete inertia in dark times. It's really hard to see at those times why doing anything is important. But it is. And you will, and it will help. But if you can't quite get there yet, don't beat yourself over it. Give yourself what you would give someone else-- compassion, kindness, time. Then start small, and by then maybe it will be time for GISHWHES and all hopes of a normal routine will fly out the window. ;-)

Sending hugs and encouragement *squeezes you* <3 <3